Forgiveness.

I am just sitting here in my room listening to the song Forgiveness by Matthew West and thinking over what has happened the last few days.

My best friend I quite talking last spring.  I would text her and get no response.  She started dating a guy and I thought she wanted to spend more time with him than with me.  I was confused.  I decided to just not pursue a relationship with her if she didn't seem to want one.

Ever since we quite talking, I was bitter against her.  I didn't want to reconcile with her.  I was fine just hanging out with friends from school.  I thought I could just put her aside and move on with life.

I was very wrong.  The anger and bitterness I felt against her were sins I was not willing to let go of and seek forgiveness.

I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I was having trouble with trust.  I had told this best friend everything.  She had endured sleepovers with me even when I got a little hyper.  I had shared with her my struggles and my accomplishments.  We had gone from sharing everything with each other to not talking at all.  Like I said, I was so confused.   

Questions began to run through my head often...

• How do I know I can trust my friends at school?
• Will they just quite talking to me one day?
• How do I know who will always be there for me?

The whole situation was interfering with my other relationships.  I became hesitant to share things with others.  My solution was to keep it all inside.  I talked a lot to God, but I didn't confide in anyone else.  This was a huge mistake.  I would get so worked up and exhausted from keeping everything inside that I would just cry myself to sleep at times.

Everything changed two days ago on Monday afternoon...

I was texting a close friend who has become very dear to me.  I told her how stressed I was with school and how I hadn't talked to my best friend in months.  She encouraged me to seek forgiveness.  I had been toying with the idea of calling my old best friend many times.  I really felt a burden to call her during the weekend.  The Sunday school lesson was on forgiveness.  My dad's prayer before lunch on Sunday had to do with forgiving one another.  One of the girls at school was giving a devotion to her House on Tuesday based on (can you guess?) forgiveness.

I decided I was going to make the call on Monday afternoon.  I just had to trust that God would do what was best.

The call was made and I was very nervous.  I started out the conversation casually.  I could tell she was surprised I had called.  After a couple questions about school and life, I decided to get to the point.  I just spilled about how I had been bitter against her for months.  I had been dealing with ungodly thoughts about her.  It had just gotten bad.  I asked for her forgiveness.  She was happy to forgive me.

We talked things out about what went wrong.  This is what had happened:

We both got the impression that the other one didn't want to be friends, so we quite talking altogether. 

You can not even imagine the weight it lifted off my shoulders to finally be reconciled.  I went to school on Tuesday and I was in a wonderful mood.  I haven't even really been struggling with trust lately (it is something I have struggled with since middle school). 

She text me Tuesday morning to tell me to have a good day.  It has been nice to know that we are on the same page now.  I saw her tonight at church.  We hugged and talked face-to-face for the first time in a long time.

It is weird all of the sudden talking again after so long.  A good weird.